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October 07 Morbid Hold 'emLearned a new poker game... it is kinda morbid though, but it does
sound like fun... not too sure how people who are not playing (watching
from the outside) would interprit it... which could be a problem...
anyway... here are the rules: You're never too dead to play. Tombstone Hold 'Em is a live action, cemetery-based version of Texas Hold 'Em poker. Gravestones are your pocket cards. Pick your favorite graveyard, and go play your respects. The Tombstone Code Just about every tombstone can be turned into a playing card, if you know the trick. To figure a tombstone's suit, eye the shape of the stone: - Curved or wavy on top? It's the curve of a heart. - Flat on top? It's flat like the edges of a diamond. - Pointed or peaked on top? It's just like a spade. - Statue or fancy ornament on top? It's a club. To figure the face value, count the number of people listed on the stone. - If there’s only one person listed, look at the last digit of the year of death. .2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 are what they are. .1's are Aces. 0's are Tens. So a gal who died in 1898? She's an 8. A kid who died in 1951? He's an ace. - For a stone with exactly two people listed, ignore the years of death. It's a Jack. - For a stone with exactly three people listed, ignore the years of death. It's a Queen. - For a stone with four or more people listed, the years of death. It's a King. So the big stones and the sepulchers? They're usually your face cards. Setup Choose a local cemetery. It's the only place you can play Tombstone Hold 'Em. Bring some coins or poker chips, a deck of cards, and a watch. At the cemetery, split your group up into teams of two, and divide the poker chips between the teams. Each turn, one team is the dealer and sits out the hand. The dealer lays out the community cards and keeps time. This role switches each hand. Next, set up your poker table. You don't need an actual table-just a flat surface to lay cards on, like the ground. Playing a Hand The main thing to remember is this: Tombstone Hold 'Em works just like Texas Hold 'Em, only backwards. At the start of a new hand, each team antes up two chips. Then deal ALL five community cards at once-the flop, the turn, and the river-face up on the table. Each team has 3 minutes to leave the table and pick any two pocket cards (tombstones) they want, to make their best 5-card hand. The only rule in picking your pocket pair is that teammates have to be able to touch both stones and each other at the same time. So you're touching one stone, your teammate's touching the other, and somewhere in between you meet. If you can't make the reach, you can't pick the pair. Claiming your Pair Before you run back to the table, make sure you've claimed your pocket pair by placing a single chip on each tombstone. Once a stone has a chip on it, nobody else can use it until the chip is cleared. After 3 minutes, the dealer yells "Last call!" and everyone runs back to tell what hand they made. If you're late back to the table, you fold. Best hand wins the pot, with the winning team is required to show 'em: take the other players to your cards and prove your hand. After confirming the winners' hand, everyone picks up their chips and goes back to the table for the next round. No Ties, No Duplicates In case of a tie, the first team back to the table is the winner. Each team sticks to the standard 52-card deck-no duplicates. That means if a jack of diamonds has been dealt as a community card, you can't claim another jack of diamonds in the field. Likewise, if you want pocket aces, you can't find two "Ace of Hearts" in the field-you need aces from different suits. However, if two or more teams report back to the table having claimed separate tombstones that decode as the same card (a king of clubs, say) that's fair enough. VARIANTS Real Tombstone Hold 'Em pros like to play with a few more tricks and variations. Solo Tombstone Hold 'Em If you don't have enough players to form teams, you can play as individuals. In that case, each player will need at least two chips per hand, to claim the pocket pair. Likewise, the individual player must be able to touch both tombstones at the same time with any two parts of his or her body. Tournament Play If you have more than one deck of cards and enough people, you can run multiple tables at the same time. Games work best with 3, 4, 5, or 6 teams per table. Teams can switch tables any time between hands. While you're at it, you and your partner can split your chips and switch partners any time you want, between hands. At the end of the tourney, the team with the most chips wins. Or put together a final table of the best teams for a high-stakes finale. Betting and Bluffing Before teams announce their hands, there is a single round of betting. The last team back has to bet first, second-last back bets second, and so on, while the first team back can see how everyone else plays it before deciding what it wants to do. Just one betting round, and everyone raises, calls, or folds according to standard poker rules. To collect the pot, the winning team must show its hand, unless all the other teams folded out. Then it's up to the winning team to decide whether to take the table to see its pocket pair or to let 'em wonder if it was all a big bluff. Dirty Scoundrels If you're playing with folks you don't quite trust to leave other people's chips where they oughta, you can play the steal-proof, cheat-proof variation. You don't have to leave a chip behind to claim your pocket pair. Just make sure you remember which tombstones you picked, and stand by 'em until the "last call" if you want to make sure that no one else from your table picks them. Highly recommended for tournament play. Jokers If you find a tombstone of someone who died on your birthday, and you've got the ID to prove it, you can use it once as a Joker during the game. August 03 Kim-Jong Il shoots a 38...The greatest round ever played !
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No lesser authority than Pyongyang Golf Club's resident professional, Park Young Man, together with Kim's 17 armed bodyguards, can attest that Kim played the full eighteen, all holed out, off the back tees on a crisp autumn morning in October 1994. "He is an excellent golfer," said Mr. Park.
The Dear Leader, faithful to the national philosophy of 'Juche', or self-reliance, has never had a lesson. Indeed, his heroic 38 under par score was his first and only round of golf! When he learned that this was a full 25 strokes better than any other human had ever achieved, far from being tempted to take the game up seriously, he decided that there were greater challenges to his intellect and atheletic ability, and has not touched a club since.
In search of an 'official' comment, we went to US PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem. Seemingly embarrassed by our questions, Finchem finally, and grudgingly, broke the code of silence, putting a very different spin on the story. "Yes, it's an amazing achievement, but he's just too good. We don't want him over here. We're lucky he's got a day job as a ruthless tyrant and a fully paid up international terrorist. Otherwise this man could be really evil if he was let loose on the guys on tour - he'd nuke 'em for sure!"
Yet, even without revealing his secret to the world, the little man with bad hair from North Korea has done the golfing world a great service. For as the debate about the impact of technology on the modern game rages, as journeyman pros wonder if they can ever hope to compete with Tiger Woods, and as experts predict that Tiger himself may lose interest in the game because of the lack of serious competition, we can see that there is no need to worry. Until today's so-called 'Masters of the Game' can shave substantially more than a shot a hole off their best ever scores, the ultimate challenge of the lowest round will remain out there. Knocking Kim Jong-Il off the top of the Dear Leaderboard will not be easy.Twisted F-ing Sister!
Every single song was amazing, especially We're Not Gonna Take It, The Kids Are Back, I Wanna Rock, and You Can't Stop Rock and Roll, well, every song that they played really...
There were a bunch of people carried off by the police, most of them didn't strugle, but there were the odd few who did.
Wish I had a damn camera, I would have taken a bunch of pictures and put them up, I was almost right at the front (1 person back from the fence that seperated us from the stage!). Woulda gotten a bunch of amazing shots from there.
Even got to shake Dee Snider's hand, and talk to him as he was signing my shirt!
Then I hung around a bit and played some carney games... I played the plate smashing game, where you throw balls at plates that are standing on a ledge. You need to smash 2 plates, and I kept on getting only one. Then I went over and tried my luck at another throwing game with "cats" standing up on a shelf, you had to knock 3 down... I wasn't very good at that one either. I then went to a game where you have to pop balloons with darts, the guy that was working there said even if I missed everything I still got a prize, and so... of course... I missed everything, I got a little fish as a prize. Then I played again, and he said that he would give me four darts and count each one as 2 pops. I hit 4 balloons and got a bigger stuffed animal. Then I went to the guess your age thing (while I was standing in line for the autographs some girls said that I looked 23, so I said what the hell...), and evidently they were right cause the girl that was doing the guessing was way off, so I got another stuffed animal. Not sure what I am going to do with the animals at the moment.
Anyway... gotta get some sleep, its 1 am.
Believe in Rock and Roll!
--Sean
Political Satire
Work, Jeff Healey, and movies
Well... its been a while since I have put anything into this.
So here we go.
Mostly
I have just been working non-stop sometimes as many as 80 hours a week.
I also got to work nights for two weeks (12 hours per night). That was
ok took my laptop in and read the first Harry Potter book (I know...
DORK!), it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. We didn't really
have much to do during nights so it was good to have something there.
I
have also seen Batman Brgins (that was a while ago when it came out) if
you haven't seen it yet, go see it, it is an amazing film). I went into
it thinking that it would be another really bad movie based on the
comic book genre, but I was pleasantly surprised by it. I was even more
surprised by the new Batman, he was amazing for the part (Christian
Bale), very cold and unemotional, just like Batman should be.
I
also bought a bunch of movies these past weeks, I got The Godfather
Part 2 (still an amazing film), Cheech and Chong (sp?) Up in Smoke (a
classic), Shaun of the Dead (hillarious), Rocky (an amazing film),
Monty Python's The Life of Brian (now write it again 1000 times!),
Monty Python and The Holy Grail (Fechez la vache).
I also bought
some books, George Carlin's "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?"
(very funny, even though it was quite crude at some points), and The
Onion news article collection from 2003-2004 (very funny as well).
Also, I bought myself a 20 Gig MP3 Player, I have barely filled half of
it with the music that I have.
Last Night I went to the K-Days.
That was pretty fun, I just sorta walked around looking at things (and
watching people fail miserably at the carney games), then I went over
to one of the stages where some guy was doing a Hypnotist act (not so
sure that he actually hypnotised them, but it was really funny none the
less). Then I walked over to the (what I call) Beer Tent (can't
remember what they really called it) to watch the band that was there
play for a bit (some local band doing covers, it wasn't too bad). Then
at about 8-20 I started towards the whole reason that I went there: to
see the Jeff Healey Band (pictured below). While I was walking over
there I saw some glorified martial arts (looked pretty fake to me, but
I was impressed with the little kids breaking boards), they made it
look like all they did was throws and stuff, which I know is not true
(I was in TaeKwon Do for a couple years).
When I finally got to
the stage, there were already about 1000 people sitting and standing
around waiting for it (I was half an hour early so I was surprised by
this). The concert started more or less on time, and he played a bunch
of amazing songs (Hoochie Coochie Man, See the Light, Angel Eyes, and
many more) with some of the best guitar solos that I have heard live.
He then let his band members play some songs (and sing as well) I wish
I knew what the songs were called cause they were pretty damned amazing
for songs that were coming from his "back up", even the second
guitarist took lead sometimes and played some solos, as did the
bassist. Then he stood up and walked out, but the crowed kept on
cheering for him to come back, and he did, and he played one more song:
While My Guitar Gently Weeps, which is one of the greatest songs that I
have ever heard (he did a very good rendition of it). He even stood up
and did a solo (which is pretty hard for someone who is blind to do and
not trip over anything). Then, when that was all over, I went to the
left of the stage and bought a DVD of another one of his preformances
for 25 bucks (kinda steep I guess), then as an addded bonus, he was
signing autographs, so I waited in line for that and told him that the
set was amazing, and he signed my dvd. Great times!
Keep on Rockin'
--Sean Sandy
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